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Friday, July 21, 2006

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."
~ Airplane! 1980

Where the Wild Pigs Are ~ Part Three

Dad is putting $7.50 worth of corn, per day, in the trap. In my estimation, multiply that times the over two months he has been feeding them, and we are dangerously close to the price of a round-trip ticket to Italy. Something’s gotta give here and I mean real soon.

The Big Guy has had to increase their daily ration to keep them out of the nursery and off the plants. I would say this has only been about half successful and I am starting to worry. Each day the porcine pests are closer and closer to the house. I mean, give me a break! We already share the front yard with the deer. Is there no end??

The really big one (that’s him in the middle staring Dad down and knowing what’s up) is a wild boar hog weighing in at about 150-200 pounds. He’s ‘new to the area’ having just dropped in recently and made himself at home. The little ones keep out of his way and give him first dibs on the corn. Mother Pig is close by, though you don’t see her.

Anyway, I called the butcher at Publix and he says pork is currently at $ 2.99 per pound. I figure we could get maybe $ 600 for him, since after all, this IS organic pork we have here. No additives, no preservatives, just fresh sunshine and corn feed, practically hand-fed. Maybe even cash in on the ‘fresh from Christmas angle’ Dad is always harping about. At present I figure we could just about recoup our ‘investment’ with the right buyer, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Seems there is a National Pork Board which collects tax on every hog sold in the country so we will need to keep the transaction on the sly.

The plan was for Dad to ‘spring the trap door’ Thursday afternoon (while Mo, Eileen and I were gone. You know how I feel about hunting on the property even if it is for profit). Jim says he assembled with Dad, Sam, Andy, Kathy, Kathy’s son and his friends (the proposed butchers). A veritable Pig Party!

You have GOT to be kidding me. Guess how long they stayed crouching in the pig blind the entire horde of them? TWO HOURS! Like I don’t even like PORK and I could have told you no self respecting pig was going to show up with a gang of onlookers ready for the carnage. I mean really? The cigarette smoke alone should have given them all away.

Your dad just slays me some days.

More Pig Trivia.

Pigs in Music
"Piggy Pig Pig" from Procol Harum's album Home
"Pigs on the Wing" and "Pigs (Three Different Ones)" (only metaphorically pigs) in Pink Floyd's album Animals
The "Pink Floyd pig"
The metaphorical "War Pigs" in Black Sabbath's protest song
"Pig" from Steve Vai's album Sex and Religion
Still more metaphorical pigs in The Beatles' song "Piggies"
March of the Pigs and Piggy by Nine Inch Nails
(I have a feeling none of these songs made the "Hit Parade", I could be wrong)

Pigs in History
In 1859, an unnamed British-owned pig wandered into Lyman Cutlar's potato patch on San Juan Island and was shot, thus setting off a (small) cold war.

Big Bill, a 2,552 lb (1,158 kg) pig, who stood 5 ft 9 in (1.75 m) at the shoulder, was considered the largest pig on record.

The Tamworth Two: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Pig, two ginger-haired pigs, who spent a week on the run in January 1998, in Wiltshire, southwest England.

Pigasus, a tongue-in-cheek candidate for President of the United States run by the Yippie at the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago.

Hogzilla, enormous feral hog killed in Alapaha, Georgia once thought to be a hoax. Exhumed by researches in 2005 who estimated it at 7.5 to 8 feet in length and weighing 800 lbs.

Pigs in Video Games
Incendiary Pigs from the real-time strategy game Rome: Total War
Pigma Dengar from the Nintendo game Star Fox
Wizpig from the Nintendo/Rareware game Diddy Kong Racing
The Porkalator in HeXen. The pigs in Hogs Of War (Playstation), voiced by Rick Mayall.

Other Pigs
Piggly Wiggly, supermarket chain which features a pig as its mascot
Pig 'N' Whistle restaurants

Part Four ~ Success or Failure

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