“Round up the usual suspects.” ~ Casablanca, 1942.

Where the Wild Pigs Are - Part One

Winston Churchill once said, "Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

Seems something has been tromping through the day lilies. That’s Dad’s story and he’s sticking with it. Yes, my dear, the baby pigs are back. Swine, hogs, sows, shoats, barrows, pigs or boars, they are back on the premises making a mess of things.

We’ve not been able to pinpoint the exact date when Dad and the pigs’ paths first crossed. He said they ‘came up on him’ and ran him over, but really he just got in between where they were and where they wanted to be. Dad claims he had to ‘jump into the golf cart and run for his life’. He’s so theatrical.

Dad's Pigs

Like clockwork, the big guy is back in the lower 35, twice a day, in the vicinity of the trap he built years ago, stocking it with corn, lying in wait. There he has constructed a ‘pig blind’. Hunters would recognize this as being similar to a deer blind, but with less leg room. Googling ‘pig blind’, I found nothing, but plenty of references to a ‘blind pig’. Wikipedia describes blind pig as an establishment that illegally provides alcoholic beverages, but I digress….

One late afternoon, Dad set up shop in the pig blind after throwing corn feed out for pig perusal and consumption. Nothing. Oh, I shouldn’t say nothing, because as he crouched there hidden in the underbrush, four deer came strolling out for the 6:00 p.m. buffet. Discouraged, Dad walked back to his ‘ride’, the golf cart, only to find it completely surrounded by twelve baby pigs. It is my opinion, it’s all about the golf cart for those pigs, but what do I know?

Dad Fusses at the Piglets From the Safety of the Golf Cart
A few days later, Dad came storming into the house as if we were under attack and insisted I hurry outside (you know how much I love it when he does that). It seems the piglets were enjoying an afternoon siesta ~ poolside. As you know, I can’t even sit by that pool and they think they are going to. We will just see about that.

Possible names for books about Dad and his pigs:

Make Way for Piglets
Animal Farm
Swine and Punishment
Call of the Wild
A Wrinkle in Swine
The Cunning Man
Harriet the Swine
If You Give a Pig a Cookie
Deliverance
Lord of the Flies

Part Two: Famous Pigs You May Have Known