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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

It's way more dangerous out there than I originally thought.

While researching otters for a previous post , I stumbled on some information never before brought to my attention in all the 30, okay 40, plus years I have been living in the Sunshine State.

There are evil forces out there working against us. For those of us 'in the know' it's more commonly known as 'wildlife'.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has gone so far as to post vast amounts of helpful hints to assist distraught homeowners coping with Florida's disruptive wildlife.

Apparently, some of our neighbors, citizens of this verdant state, are handling some serious issues with the wildlife and I am not talking here about The Trail.

Find this in your yard and you really DO have a problem.

These are pretty dangerous, too.

Frequently asked questions about wildlife, per the FFWCC:

• How do I get this snake out of my house or yard?
• What do I do when there is an alligator in my neighborhood?
• How do I stop animals digging in my yard or raiding my trash?
• What can I do about the crane on my golf course or neighborhood?
• What do I do when a bear is bothering my bee hives?
• Who can I go to for trapping this troublesome animal?
• What can I do about these vultures tearing up my roof?
• There are birds dive-bombing me, what should I do?
• What should I do about an animal living under my house?
• There are bats in my house, what should I do?
• There is a woodpecker pecking on my siding, what should I do?
• An otter is eating all the fish in my pond, what should I do?
• What should I do about the squirrels chewing plastic piping and wiring and shingles?
• What should I do if find wildlife, or baby birds unattended?
• Can the Commission come and remove a muscovy duck?

Honest to Pete, I thought this was a joke! These people are serious!

This list doesn’t even include additional problems with snakes, armadillos, bats, raccoons, moles, pocket gophers, vultures, skunks, opossums and mocking birds. Yes, mocking birds! I had no idea Florida residents were forcing to address such obvious perils, and apparently on an almost daily basis! How does anyone get a wink of SLEEP??!!

IFAS can give you more information than you will ever need to know on how to torture and/or eradicate these creatures from your home, neighborhood, golf course or local park.

I myself have not had to deal with these problems, of course, as we have been able to live with the animals and share our habitat in this our peaceable kingdom.

Okay, okay, with the possible exception of the wild pigs, which as you may have noticed, were not even mentioned in the FFWCC list! What about wildcats? What about panthers?

If you DO need help, look at this.


At this time of year, well meaning parents need to be reminded NOT to buy a mallard duck for Johnny Junior's Easter basket. Though obviously inundated with horrors every time they leave their homes, many Florida residents are still too stupid to live and buy non-native ducks to add to their troubles.

With Easter approaching, many parents contemplate purchasing mallard ducklings as gifts for their children. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) suggests buying your child the stuffed-animal version instead.

“Although these ducklings might make nice pets while they’re young, they can live 10 years and quickly outgrow the cute-and-fuzzy stage, leaving full-size droppings on your patio and outdoor furniture,” said FWC waterfowl management coordinator Diane Eggeman. “When this happens, parents and children often grow tired of caring for them and decide to turn them loose into the wild.”]

Please read the entire article here if you need more persuading.

So as Sergeant Phil Esterhaus from Hill Street Blues used to say, "Hey, let's be careful out there".

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